You Ready?

So it's the last day of June - tomorrow marks one month til the Due Date.

Been to alot of family / summer parties - and everyones favorite question to ask is: You ready? I've got no problem with that in general. It's the way in which certain people say it that irk me. People who don't even have kids - or people who ask it in a way that presumes there is an EXACT way to actually be "ready".

My reply: I'm as ready as I'll ever be. And that is truth - the truest thing I've probably ever said. I'm ready for the challege - our home is physically ready to clean, clothe, house, feed and care for the baby and most importantly (I believe) I'm preparing myself to be unprepared. I know that's just a mindset - and in itself won't make the unexpected easier - but I hope I'll at least be able to stand back in some situations and say 'OK - didn't see that coming - take deep breath'.

Ok - so that's it - T-minus 1 month.

Just Another Day.

Turned 27 two weeks ago. Just another day. So I guess I'm in my late-20's now?
I still say it's the tail end of my mid-20's.
Whatever.
Saw my father and he said "Well - I was 27 when you were born - so you're right on track."
Ha. Nice. That's one way of looking at it. On track.

Still the only one of my friends that is married - let alone having a child. I guess we're 'having kids young' - but a generation ago people wouldn't have seen it that way. It's just been the natural course for us. It's strange because back in the day the longer you stayed single the more 'out-of-ordinary' you were - nowadays I feel like peers look at me cockeyed when I tell them I'm having a kid. Some freeze up and all of the sudden can't find things to talk about with me. Weird. I should say this doesn't happen alot - and not at all with good friends of mine/ours.

Interesting anyway.

Peer To Peer.

Got some tips from an old manager of mine via an iPhone typed message in Facebook. Young guy around 30, single father of a 6 or 7 year old girl. He is a very honest guy - sometimes brutally so - and I thought this was some solid, honest advice worth sharing:

"Anyway, congrats on the baby on the way thing. It is a hard journey but they tell me it eventually pays off. So my best piece of advice, eh? Well in the first months when it's really rough, get rest when you can, be as nice as possible to your wife and be careful of the whole post-pardum(spelling?) thing. As they get older remind yourself of their age cause you will forget when they act like a baby it's because they are. They take a long time to control their emotions. Also, speak to the kid like a person, not like an adult but like a peer, don't use baby talk it just stunts the verbal development. Have fun with it and if you have the ability to play, do so. I'm not good at playing, I'm a talker.
Anyway, do the best you can and make sure you and your wife still get the opportunities to go out and do stuff even after it's born. I think you'll make a great dad and as scared as you are now, it only gets worse as they get older. Sorry, but it's true, unless you can't stand your kid then you won't care. Alright well good luck to you and if you need any other help or advice let me know."

I like the part about not baby talking - I plan to have full blown conversations with my baby as soon as possible - even if the infant can't talk back.

Brutally Honest Barber.

Couldn't let more than a month go by without a post. But I did. Been busy.

Good news - baby is healthy - very healthy - got results back from geneticist - I am not a carrier for the disease that runs in my family - therefore baby is no more at risk than any child would be.

Latest ultrasound on Monday showed ribs, hands, feet, a more normally shaped head (last ultrasound showed a long shrimp/alien type head) - looks like baby's head shape will take after Moms.
The baby is 5 months along - give or take. Old enough to determine gender but we passed. We want a surprise.

Got haircut on Friday - Bulgarian Barber told me not to look at wife's vagina during child birth. And this is a woman we're talking about. She insisted her husband not witness her vagina after hearing from a cousin who is in therapy because he can't look at his wife's vagina that same anymore. Weird. But she also said that I should find out what gender the baby is - so I could settle on a name and when the baby comes out I will already have a bond with it - tried to convince me that otherwise I'd come face to face with a stranger and wouldn't love the baby.

Weird. But funny. That's all I got.

Please someone read my shit blog. Please.

Post-Birth Advice.

Found this snippet. Stumbled upon it while searching other blogs:

Five Way To Outsmart Your 3-Year-Old

Posted Wednesday, February 11, 2009 6:21 AM | By Gretchen Rubin

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Five tips for getting a little kid to take no for an answer.

My 3-year-old hates being told “No” and “Don’t,” and she’s also one of those kids who immediately does exactly what you ask her not to do, so I’ve had to develop some strategies to get the “no” message across without unleashing the very behavior I want to stop. These kinds of minor but extremely aggravating struggles can be a major happiness challenge.

I realized that although she doesn’t want to hear “no,” my daughter responds very well to certain kinds of explanations. While “It’s not healthy,” “We don’t have time,” and “I don’t want to buy that” don’t work very well, other justifications are more effective. Once I've said no, I try to turn her attention to something more interesting. Here are some of the most helpful strategies:

1. “It’s for safety.” For some reason, my daughter wisely accepts safety as an absolute directive, so I invoke it whenever possible. For example, I characterized the “no slamming doors” rule as a safety rule, not a noise/behavior rule. “When people slam doors, eventually, people get their fingers smashed. So for safety, no slamming doors.”

2. “That’s just for decoration.” We can walk into a store crammed with treats or gimcracks, and when she asks if she can get something, I just say sadly, “They’re just for decoration; they’re not for sale.” She never questions this!

3. “The doctor says …” Invoking the authority of a doctor, dentist, teacher, or grandparent often makes a message acceptable. “The Yellow Room teachers say children must wear mittens to schools, not gloves.” “I know you don’t feel like brushing your teeth, but Dr. Smith says it’s very important to brush every night.” I’m not above pretending to send an e-mail to get a particular answer.

4. “I know you know.” My daughter hates being told “Don’t,” and she loves to show that she’s a big girl. So I often say things like, “I know you know this, but other children don’t know that you shouldn’t tap on the glass of a fish tank. They don’t know that the noise bothers the fish. Fortunately for the fish, you already know that.”

5. “The sign says …” Like most children who can’t yet read, my daughter is extremely impressed by the power of the written word. She will obey any sign. And because she can’t read, a sign can say anything that I want it to say.

Looking at the list, I’m struck by how devious and manipulative I sound. Oh well. I’m using my powers for good.

(Whole blog entry can be found here: http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/happinessproject/archive/2009/02/11/five-tips-for-getting-a-little-kid-to-take-no-for-an-answer.aspx )

Baby Names, Staking Claims.

I wish everything about this process was as fun as thinking of baby names. It's easy, and fun. Deciding where you want to move, because your current place of residence is to small, is not fun at all.

Lean Green.

Found out today that my job might be next on the chopping block. Been mentally preparing for sometime now but still shocked.
Not receiving any comments or emails for advice so I ask again - what should a soon-to-be-father prepare for most?
If you had very little money to spend in preparation for the baby - what would you have spent it on?
When baby arrives - what's most important to allocate money for?

More. More. And more.

More arguing. Main topic seems to be the need to move from this small dwelling we currently reside in. Hard to leave so swiftly. Got some ideas. Need to explore all options. Last round of arguing hurt alot. Let the healing begin.

More genetics issues. Blood samples needed from both of us and my father. To test for extremely rare genetic disorder which has history in my family. The process and potential outcome are excruciating. The odds, however, are very much in our favor. Knock on the wood.

More ultrasound pictures. They'll be posted eventually. Comforting feeling - seeing Baby floating in the darkness. Hoping it's warm in there. Hoping the stress out here isn't felt in there as much.

Uncle's Letter.

An uncle sent me a hand written letter with this article:

Neil Steinberg - Chicago Sun-Times 1/11/2009

The toughest job you'll ever love

Imagine you are a novice mountain climber about to attempt Mt. Everest, the tallest mountain on Earth.

You mention your pending expedition to one old pro who has been to the summit three times.

"Oh that's great," he says. "The view from the top -- fantastic!"

You mention your trek to another veteran guide.

"Stop by the Khumbu Lodge in Namche -- they're famous for their ginkgo biloba tea."

A third climber replies: "Nicest people in the world, sherpas. Once they're your friend, you're friends for life."

Do you think this advice is missing something? Are these pros letting our novice mountaineer down by not mentioning, oh for instance, the brutal Himalayan cold, or the sudden storms and avalanches, or the peril of oxygen deprivation, or the will-sapping physical exhaustion?

Shouldn't someone bring that up?

That is my approach toward prospective parents. I dined with two acquaintances last week, each preparing to welcome a child in the coming months. I found myself giving each the same little speech.

I told them that while parenthood is the greatest thing in the world, and my big regret in life is not having more kids, being a parent is also very hard.

"I remember the second night Ross was home from the hospital," I told them. "I was sitting, holding this howling baby at 3 o'clock in the morning while my wife was weeping in the bathroom, and I looked down at this newborn and thought: Oh, right. This is why those teenage girls kill their kids. Now I understand. Because I'm 35, I have all the money I need, my wife and I desperately wanted this child, for years, and it's Day Two and I'm losing my mind. ..."

This isn't a terrible admission, I hope. Most parents experience that moment. It passes, thank goodness, and the general experience, as I said, is one of life's great joys.

But somebody should tell parents-to-be that it is also a grueling, exhausting, maddening challenge -- like an Everest climb -- so that they're prepared, so that when they find themselves at their wits' end, they'll know it is the difficulty of the challenge they are tackling, and not something particularly wrong with them.

I've had parents-to-be recoil at hearing this, and accuse me of being mean, of raining on their parade. But I'm doing them a favor. Aren't I?

A Big Fight About Everything.

Why are moments of anger, frustration, irateness and confusion always followed by a day of calmness, reflection, pondering and hope once again?

Had a bad week. Had a real bad evening last night. Hard to come up with thoughts for this blog. Still plan on continuing with it - but need a second wind.

Balancing Act.

Trying to decide what and what not to do these next few months . . . .
I was planning on taking some classes to continue my education, which I know is a good idea . . . .
But I also have a list of things I'd like to get done before 'Baby-time' - a type of 'closure list' if you will . . . .
Things that I can close the book on . . . .
As I will be opening a new book . . . .

Blue Jeans, Gene Blues.

The second I got out of work today - in dirty denim and a Carhartt jacket - I jumped in a cab and headed over to the hospital. My wife was waiting for me - we had an appointment with a geneticist. Used to be the law to get a blood test before marriage - still is in some states. But we were there to check for a rare genetic disorder that runs in my family. Turns out we may be more at risk than we first assumed. Really got us worrying. Went over to my folks house afterwards with some questions and to hash out the family history in more detail. We came away with full stomachs (Moms good cooking) and lots of reassurance. Still need to get some blood work done. But hopeful as usual.

The Truth Is.

So the reason I started this blog was to share my experience. So far people have been great. We let my folks and siblings know on Christmas Eve. We let her folks and siblings know on Christmas Day. First grandchild for either side of the family. Everyone's very positive and supporting as expected.
I haven't mentioned it to anyone at work yet. Reason is - I know there will be mostly snarky comments like:
1. Your life is over.
2. Say goodbye to your freetime/sleep/etc.
3. It's all downhill from here.

Terrible I know - but these are things I have heard before. I was just married a year ago and equally negative comments from coworkers. I work in an all male workplace. Realizing most of these comments are macho bullshit, I shrug it off. However, I do think some individuals believe these opinions.

So I want to know:
What unspoken life-changes should an expectant father mentally prepare for?
What behind-the-scenes happenings await?

Please, do tell - however scary, dramatic, stressful it might be.

First Ultrasound.

Went to doctors office. 1st ultrasound. The tech squeezed warmed up lube on my wife's belly then went to work searching to the baby. Found it quick. Due to size of baby the due-date changed from late July to Aug. 1st. Listened to heartbeat - 170 bpm - normal for this stage. Got first picture. Wild.